A few months ago, someone asked me about my most important values.
I was like...hmm. I legit had to google a list of values. There were around 100. Over a few days, I narrowed it down to 20, then 5, then 3.
Right now, my three values are:
Success. For some reason I'm ashamed to admit this one, but it's true. It feels a little shallow? Or something. There were other values listed like, happiness, growth, creativity...those are all very nice, but no. I can't apologize for it, even if I weirdly feel like I should. I recently wrote about failure and what it means to me. Success is very important to me. How it's defined? I'm not sure. It changes day to day. But, I want to feel confident. I hope that my life will hold great things. I want to use my abilities to better others' lives. I want to find success so that I can provide for myself and a potential future family. I want to be successful because I think I am capable...and flat out deserve it. That's all.
Connection. My life, as a result of my own doing, has been incredibly transient. Bouncing from one place to the next, I have often felt isolated. Because of this, I have gained strong adaptability, the ability to make relationships from almost nothing, and an insatiable curiosity about the world around me. But, a detriment is that connection, and I'm talking about deep, real connection, can be scarce. You have to really dig. I remember sitting in Seattle one night, crying my eyes out. I felt so frustrated because once again, a friendship didn't really pan out the way I had hoped. I tried and tried and tried, but things just weren't vibing. I thought it was me. I'm not cool enough, funny enough, cultured enough. What a lack of connection taught me was how to connect with myself. And then, somehow it became a little easier to connect with others. So, I'm thankful for my loneliness. As much as it totally sucked. Connection, to me, is being seen by someone. Truly seen, flaws and all. Which, as someone who likes perfection, is really hard. I'm a work-in-progress.
Adventure. This one was the easiest to choose. My life, if nothing else, has been one giant adventure. I am obsessed with it, actually. My ability to make adventure happen is one of my proudest traits. When success is elusive, I lean into my adventures. Sometimes I belittle the things I have done. The places I've been, the challenges I've pursued. But, when I'm feeling a little stressed, I think it's healthy to reflect on the badass things in my life. Without batting an eye, I picked up after college and moved to Minneapolis. In January. I adapted to a new job, met people in a city I had never been before moving in with all my stuff, and discovered what it meant to be an adult. I had money, loved the challenges at work, and got over my fear of speaking my mind in a professional setting. Then, six months later, I was off to LA. This changed me, big time. I gained confidence and learned to be completely independent. I loved the autonomy that I found there. In Seattle, I took a leap and changed careers. I discovered that I could soak up a ton of stress and *sort of* function under it (still working on this). I flowed into new roles, quickly bonded with patients and coworkers, and discovered my true passion for the human body and its healing process. I loved living in Seattle. Its sheer beauty fascinated me every single day. I never got tired of the views. I spent so much time in nature. I became connected to myself. This connection, the one I was talking about before, is what brought me to Austin. Even though, once again, I was starting over, it didn't feel near as extreme as the previous moves. For one, I am surrounded by family. And also, I am a totally different person. I am all of my adventures, rolled up into one person. Here, I have found a home. Even though I doubt myself more often than not, when I do feel a burst of confidence, I feel unstoppable. I hope that I never stop adventuring through life.
So, I ask you, what are your values?
I think over time mine will adapt to different phases of my life. And, I'm excited to see what comes next.