Expectations

Expectation is the root of all heartache. 
                   - William Shakespeare 
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"I thought I would be..."
"I thought he would be..."
"I thought I would have..." 

I'm really curious as to why we do this. I think it ties deeply into the fear of uncertainty I discussed in a recent post. Instead of living each day purely in the moment, our brains take control and lay out plans to protect us from the element of surprise. 

It's laughable. 

Mind over matter. Well, what if I stop listening to my mind? And listen to my heart? I wonder what this would look like. 

Recently I made some major changes in my life. It's part of this transformation that started a few years ago when I decided to abandon my career and pursue medical school. Then, it invaded my personal life. I shook off layers of comfort and control and let go. And I am very scared. 

While trying to make decisions I was feeling totally overwhelmed by my lack of control. And this is when I decided to let my heart have a go at things. I've been so wrapped up in what I expected my life to look like that I have let my passion take a backseat. I was so focused on making sure that the equation balanced out that I let my heart slide into the background. 

So I'm letting it have center stage.

This method defies everything that I am. My analytical, critical, logical self loathes it. But because I love discomfort and the benefits that follow I am allowing it. 

My experiment is this - what will happen while I let my heart take control while my brain is quiet? 

I never thought I would be here. In this space of admitting I wasn't receiving the love and depth that I could be. Admitting that I have been complacent for years. Admitting I am nowhere near as successful as I thought I would be. Letting myself feel every single feeling that comes through. It's hard. 

Instead of viewing a move back to Texas as a surrender, I will set aside my expectations and view it as a stop along the long road of my life. I will take note of the genius Shakespeare and let a little love and passion into my journey.