Transient

I recently came across the word, "transient." 

I was sitting on a plane going somewhere, don't remember, doesn't matter, and I came across this word in a book. Being truthful, I had no clue what it meant but the context was interesting enough to capture my attention. 
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The wheels touched down and I immediately popped my phone off airplane mode and popped on Google.

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I sat there for a minute in musing silence. Read it again. More musing.

I glanced up; it was nearing my turn to make an anxious beeline towards the exit before being stampeded by urgent remaining passengers. I soon was lost in the realities of finding an uber and getting home to catch a few z's before work the next day. 

But, I find myself coming back to the word every so often. Probably because my life could be described as transient in almost every way. Webster could add "Micah's Life" under the definition. 

I have moved for years, and years. It's almost my profession, uprooting and rebuilding. I joke that maybe I'm addicted to the thrill, and sometimes it is funny but the truth is that I downright question myself. Frequently. 

In 26 short days I will have lived in Seattle for a year. Which is kind of a big deal considering my track record. Plus, who doesn't love celebrating small 'victories'? Within that year I have made some great friends, settled in a little bit, and almost was taking what could be considered a breather.

Surprise! Relaxing: not part of my DNA! 

At the beginning of 2018 I did something pretty huge. I left my job and have started pursuing something bigger; medical school. 

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What? 

All parts of life are a little transient, are they not?

Embracing transcience is embracing change, and ultimately growth. The growth is generally uncomfortable though, and when there's no real guarantee or even an end in sight it can feel almost so uncomfortable that my asthma starts coming out of nowhere. But, having a little drive can go a long way and deciding to push through uncertainty is a life skill that I think everyone needs to go through in some way or another. After all, isn't uncertainty sort of what life is all about? Nothing is ever promised or sure. 

Part of the questions I have received fall along the lines of "why would you leave a job and fling yourself into perpetual debt and schooling?" (edited for dramatic effect). 

Yeah, that is the real question, isn't it. 

My answer - fear. I have fear of regret, fear of not living my days to their max capacity. The fear of losing my life to the easier and safer road, while losing the fire and resilience that makes me, me. 

And so, I jump! I run and catapult into my future. Whatever that may look like. 

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I started this blog as a way to soothe myself through the unknowns of graduating college (the first time), and beyond. The beyond is transient. Four years since that day when I made my first post, things have not settled. I don't think they will, for a while. If ever, if I'm being true to myself. 

And so, friends, cheers to the unknown. To transient moments that blend into long, fulfilling years. 

M. Kaitlin